What I would hope a suicidal man might write that would cause him to re-think his plan:
Dear Family:
If you are looking for me, you
will find my body in the garage. I will
be dead. I am sorry I have done this to
you. Despite what people will say to
you, the truth is that none of them really care much. I have come to the conclusion that most alleged Christians are foolish
liars, myself included, who really care little for their fellow human
beings. While many will say words in
some effort to comfort you, they will all simply go on living their lives and,
unfortunately, mine will have had no effect on any of them. They will soon forget you and leave you to
your own devices, letting you wither, spiritually and emotionally, not really
caring to help you.
I know this will cause you
serious mental and spiritual repercussions, but obviously I’m too cowardly and
selfish to care. I understand that you
may never come to forgive me for this heinous act, and I do not ask for such
forgiveness. I am writing only to
explain why I did what I did so that none of you (and no one with whom you care
to share this letter) will ever do what I did.
First, I am a lousy
Christian. Some people will say I put
too much pressure on myself to be a perfect Christian. No – I haven’t witnessed to anyone in
months. I haven’t led my family
spiritually in any significant way. I don’t
love my wife like I should. I haven’t
been an adequate father to my children. My
life is a complete façade. I am a
Pharisee – white walls on the outside, filth and all kinds of evil on the
inside. I often doubt my salvation in
the first place. It’s more of a
possibility than a probability. The odds
are I am in Hell right now. I am such a
slacker and so weak and pathetic that I find it hard to work up the resources
to even care about that, despite knowing the reality I will remain in eternal
torment. I will be receiving the just
penalty for my sins, so no one should ever feel sorry for me.
Second, I am no man. No real man would kill himself. No real man would have been so unwilling to
make sure his children were on the right path.
No real man would have been so daunted by trying to properly lead his
family spiritually. No real man would
have seen life’s difficulties as insurmountable, particularly if he really
believed the God of the universe was with him.
No real man would live such a pathetic lie day after day without having
the courage to change it. No real man
would fail to love his wife and treat her with the dignity and respect she
deserves. No real man would let his
circumstances dictate his joy.
Third, I offer the following
advice to avoid my fate:
Take joy in all the little
moments of life, whatever they might be.
God gives us plenty of these, and too often we think we are entitled to
them (especially American Christians, who are famously Osteenized in one way or
another). Don’t just say I love you to
those you love, show them. Interestingly
enough, ninety-nine percent of what it takes to let others know you love them
costs you nothing but time you ought to be spending with them anyway. Seek out
their good qualities and emphasize them as much as possible. When those “little” moments come along –
enjoy them. Lots of small, enjoyable moments
add up to an entire lifetime of joy.
Don’t let them pass you by. Most
of my despair came from failing to enjoy those moments.
Avoid anger as much as you
can. I have found it rare that my anger
is anything other than my own selfishness rising beyond the bounds of my
control. Most of the time I am angry
because something someone else has done or failed to do is an inconvenience to
me. Righteous indignation and righteous
anger are proper in their place but rare.
Anger drains you emotionally and spiritually and, in a strange way,
sucks the vitality out of you physically.
It almost inevitably serves only Satan’s purposes as he delights in
seeing you angry, knowing your anger is almost inevitably self-centered. Satan doesn’t care if you worship him
directly, he’s fine with indirect worship through self-centered anger, since
this takes your eyes, ears, mind, and heart off God and our savior Jesus.
Don’t think you have to do
something big to make a difference in this world. Never let a chance to offer a kind word go
by, especially to those closest to you.
Kind words soothe unlike any other balm, particularly with
children. Be polite in all
circumstances. This is a corollary to
saying kind words. You never know what
lies behind another’s behavior. That
person may be so starved for a kind word that your politeness, even if
momentary, may cause them to reflect and to want what you have. Offer whatever help you are able to those in
need. If your resources are limited,
then offer the limited help you can.
Always offer your prayers for those you know need them. Prayer matters in some unfathomable way that
we don’t truly appreciate. If you know
someone who can help another in a way you can’t, then get people
connected. Tell others about Jesus as
often as you can. Fear of speaking out
is normal – but is precisely what qualifies you to talk about God, so don’t let
it stifle you. Superman exists only in
our imaginations, in comic books, and on movie screens. You don’t need super powers to make a difference
– you just need to act.
Lastly, you must act out of a
desire to bring glory to God. As a
selfish human being, I have spent too many of my life’s moments seeking my own
pleasure, on my own terms, in my own way.
As a result, I have often received precisely what I have requested – my
own pleasure – and found it does not satisfy.
Looking back after many decades of life, I see the roadway littered with
missed opportunities to glorify God and can now only wonder how spectacular my
life would have been had I taken those small opportunities, here and there, to
seek God’s pleasure and not my own.
Oddly enough, in seeking God’s glory and honor, my life would have been
so much more joyous and worth living.
How could anyone who seeks to bring glory to the God of the universe
have anything other than insurmountable, inescapable, incalculable joy?
You bring glory to God not
through perfection, but through two simple things: love God, love others. How do you let God know you love Him? Read your bible regularly. Pray regularly. Worship Him regularly. Spend some time with him. These are simple things but they’re like
changing your car’s oil on a consistent basis: they keep your spiritual life
well regulated and they aren’t complicated. In doing these things, you will find yourself
compelled, in a good way, to love others.
In loving others, you also show God you love Him. After all, for God so loved the world he sent
his only son that those who believe in him shall not perish but have
everlasting life. We can’t do the same,
but we can love others by spending time with them, enjoying the moments we
have, being kind, putting away our anger, helping out in whatever way we can,
and generally seeking other’s good before our own. Jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden
light. None of this is hard work.
Please don’t make my
mistakes. Most of all, don’t ever
despair. With God, all things are
possible, even your restoration and forgiveness. Jesus didn’t live and die for nothing. He awaits for you to repent and believe in
the gospel message of forgiveness of sins.
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