Osteenized by Happiness: The Non-Theology of Joel and Victoria Osteen

"So, I want you to know this morning: Just do good for your own self. Do good because God wants you to be happy.  When you come to church, when you worship Him, you're not doing it for God really. You're doing it for yourself, because that's what makes God happy. Amen?"

Victoria Osteen

Just for kicks and giggles, let’s assume Victoria Osteen has, in fact, read at least parts of the Bible.  At exactly what point in the Bible does God ever say that worship is for us because that’s what makes Him happy? 

This is the problem with Ms. Osteen and her husband, Joel.  They never really quite say anything that is absolutely heretical; they just mosey right up to the edge of heresy, throw a rock over and watch it fall into the abyss, smiling white-toothed smiles all the while and following it with a hearty Amen!  I won't make the strange argument that maybe Victoria was actually channeling her inner John Piper and is really just talking about being a Christian hedonist here.  I wish.

The Osteens are practically off limits to criticism because since they’re just so gosh darn happy, they must be doing something right.  This fundamental assumption underlies their entire theology – what little theology they actually practice.  God loves you.  People who love you want you to be happy.  Therefore, God must want you to be happy.  Rinse, repeat.  Rinse, repeat.  Rinse, repeat.

But, golly gee whiz, there’s just one small bump in their road, one small fly in their ointment, one tiny chink in their armor – shhhhhhhh – no one’s listening, right?  Their theology isn’t (hem, haw) in the Bible.

I mean if it weren’t for that tiny little flaw, their theology would be fantastic, sensational, magnificent, spectacular.  For crying out loud, it’d almost be Oprah-worthy. 

So let’s imagine Joel and Victoria actually reading the Bible, trying to find the “happiness” verses.  They try Philippians 2:13 where Paul writes “for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”  Whoops, looks like God is in it for His pleasure, not mine.  But that’s probably just Paul – he was kind of a killjoy, anyway, right – I mean he hates women and homosexuals, so he probably didn’t want anyone to be happy.  Let’s try Peter – yeah, certainly Peter will give us something, he was like Jesus’ right hand man, right?  Well, not so much.  1 Peter 1:6 tells us we should rejoice in our inheritance from God “though for now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials.”  Doggone it – Peter actually says we might suffer.  What happened to happiness?  Let’s try James.  He was Jesus’ half-brother – surely he’ll give us some happiness.  James 1:12 says “Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.”  Oh, come on.  “Wait,” Joel says, “I know that Luke will give us something good – he was a doctor, I think.”  But then they get to Luke 14:27 where Jesus says “Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple.”  Not Jesus, noooooooo.  Joel stops smiling.  Both he and Victoria have a tear roll down their cheek.  This cross thing is too much – we saw “The Passion of the Christ” by Mel Gibson – that wasn’t a happy movie. 

What happens if Joel or Victoria gets cancer and dies?  What if one of their children is struck with an incurable disease?  How do Joel and Victoria then explain their theology?  No one is happy when such things come their way.  Somehow flashing the pearly whites while chanting “every day’s a Friday” doesn’t seem likely to handle such a storm.

Of course, that’s why actually studying the Bible is so important.  The Bible has much to say about human suffering and how to endure.  In Mark 4, Jesus and the disciples encounter a storm as they are crossing the Sea of Galilee.  Jesus is sleeping in the stern of one of the boats.  The disciples are bailing water out, but eventually it looks like the boats might get swamped.  They’re scared.  These are fisherman familiar with these waters – they recognize the intensity of the storm and know this might be the end.  Finally, when they feel they can’t hang on any longer, they awaken Jesus, asking him if he cares.  Jesus calms the storm with a word, then asks them if they have any faith. 

Joel and Victoria:  the point isn’t that the disciples were happily singing “row, row, row your boat” while the storm raged around them.  Jesus didn’t put some sort of cone of calmness around them, so they didn’t experience the storm.  The disciples were decidedly unhappy as they faced the water sloshing over the bows of the boat.  They were wet, tired, probably hungry and cold.  They were (gasp) sort of irritated with Jesus for not waking up and doing something.  Jesus, however, is sufficient to bring them through the storm -  when they were utterly miserable!  Notice Jesus didn't ask "aren't you happy?"  He asked the disciples if they had any faith.  

Being happy because God wants us to be happy misses so much of the Gospel message it’s not merely stupid, it’s false.  The Gospel teaches that humans have sinned, that it’s in our DNA, that we must pay for our sins and that there is only one way to receive a full pardon – repent and believe that Jesus lived a perfect life, died in your place on the cross, and arose from the grave after three days.  What makes us happy isn’t that our best life is now, but that God saw fit to forgive us, despite our sins.  We now get to glorify God and enjoy him forever. 

So Victoria was almost right.  God does want us to be happy, but not in ourselves, in Him!  But being almost right is like being almost happy.  It's not.