Over the years, I have wondered, both to myself and aloud to
anyone who would listen, why so many people accept the reasonableness of the
mantra “follow your heart.” How many
movies have contained this line? How
many advice columns? How many blog
posts?
Maybe at the start of a new year, it’s a good time to
reflect on this idea. Should we follow
our heart and, if so, what do we really mean when we say it?
As a Christian my mind immediately runs to Jeremiah 17:9 in
which the prophet rails “the heart is deceitful above all things and
desperately corrupt; who can understand it?” (RSV). Then, I’m drawn to Jesus’ teaching that it is
out of the heart that comes “evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder,
adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride,
foolishness. All these evil things come
from within, and they defile a man.”
Mark 7:21 – 22. (RSV).
The Bible seems to take a different view of the idea that we
should follow our heart.
Let’s put some meat on the bones here, though. When people say follow your heart, what are
they trying to convey? Most of the time,
as I understand it, the reference to heart means instinct. The idea is that somehow one’s gut is the
surest guide to whether an action is correct.
The Star Wars movies epitomized this notion with Obi Wan Kenobi’s
admonition to Luke that he “follow his feelings.” So it appears we are to move along with
action in our life based on whatever sentiment is guiding us at a particular
moment in time. If this is what people
mean when they say follow your heart, it’s about as bad advice as one could
ever give. My “instinct” or “gut” or “heart”
often recommends that I write some overly sarcastic and bombastic posts on this
blog. I can be satirical, but I try to
temper it and spend much time anguishing over what I say to try to avoid simply
mocking. If I followed my heart (gut,
instinct, feelings . . .) then I’d write nasty, outrageous, and even absurd
posts in an effort to get noticed.
But, no, you say, that’s not what follow your heart
means. It means when you are confronted
with an important decision in your life you should dig deep down inside you and
consider your deepest feelings and desires before making a decision. Then you should follow your understanding of
what is best for you.
So if I decide it’s best for me to jettison my wife of 32
years, ruin my relationship with my sons, mother, sisters, nephews, nieces and friends,
possibly lose at least one of my jobs to chase after a 25 year old, I should do
it?
Some people will say yes, some will say it depends and some
will say, no that’s not what follow your heart means. The fact of disagreement on the topic
suggests to me there is no consensus on what follow your heart really
means. Inevitably we’ll be told it means
different things for different people.
In other words, follow your heart starts to look like a way
to say something like this: do whatever you want if, for the most part, it
doesn’t hurt too many other people and, on the whole, seems to bring you sufficient
happiness in this life that it outweighs the negative results of doing what it
is you want to do. Am I getting to it?
Of course, this philosophy has terrifically awful consequences. We have taught at least a couple of
generations, and maybe more, that when making serious life decisions using our
rational capabilities is wrong. We have
literally taught people that using common sense doesn’t make sense. One of the consequences is that people don’t
think ahead any longer. We justify
acting on impulse because we’re “following our heart.” So we make bad decisions about our lives,
then scratch our heads wondering how it happened. We end up emotionally, spiritually,
physically, or financially ruined because we acted against rationality.
So what are we to make of this? Am I saying you shouldn’t have feelings? Not at all.
I find passionless people quite annoying. I want people to have spectacularly deep feelings
about things that matter. But I don’t want
those feelings to arise out of some spurious and most likely momentary notion
spurred on by whisperings about following the heart (or worse, from the lyrics of
a silly Disney song). I want those
deeply and seriously held feelings to arise out of the deepest commitment and
study and consideration.
It’s kinda ironic, ain’t it?
I suspect many of us know someone who is incredibly passionate about
what they do in life and are successful at it.
Those folks are often the most rational, reasonable, thoughtful people
we know. Why? Because they aren’t stumbling from bad choice
to bad choice while they’re following their heart. They think about what they’re doing and
examine their decisions. For those who
can’t seem to master this, there is a cure for that sickness: repent and
believe in the good news. Mark 1:15.
Jesus told us to “count the cost” of discipleship. Luke
14:25 – 33. In other words, when people follow Jesus, it isn’t a “follow your
heart” matter. It’s a “take a serious
look at what you are doing” matter. The
Christian life isn’t about following your heart, anyway, is it? No, it’s about following Jesus.
