America has lost its middle ground.
As a result, no one truly talks anymore.
I have a friend with whom I conversed often regarding issues
upon which we had significant disagreements, politically, socially, and
theologically. Yet, while some of our
exchanges were certainly impassioned, neither of us ever felt the other was any
less a friend. Speaking for myself, I
would do pretty much anything this friend asked of me. I believe he would feel the same about me.
I am a Christian – my friend is agnostic. I am socially conservative – my friend is
socially liberal. I generally vote
Republican – my friend generally votes Democrat. I like to read mostly non-fiction – my friend
prefers fiction.
How then could we ever manage to get along? Middle ground.
Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not talking about middle ground
in the sense of either of us giving up our sincerely held beliefs about
anything. I’m talking about the two of
us finding certain things upon which we could agree and using those as a
springboard for recognizing that whatever our differences, we could,
nonetheless engage in a civil conversation.
Interestingly, often we found our differences were not nearly as
profound as might appear.
For instance, we might not agree on the best way to relieve
poverty, but we both accepted the general notion that relieving poverty,
locally, nationally, and internationally was a laudable goal. Middle ground.
We didn’t agree on whether invading Iraq was the right thing
to do back during the Bush years, but we both agreed that those who brought
down the Twin Towers needed to be brought to
justice, including any state that may have participated or helped in
financing, planning or executing the attack.
Middle ground.
Does this mean I softened any of my Christian beliefs in
order to keep my friend happy? Not at
all. In fact, in an ironic way, our
friendship did nothing but strengthen my Christian commitment. He made me think more carefully and more
profoundly about why I believe what I believe and why Christianity makes sense. I suspect I made him think more carefully and
profoundly about his agnosticism. Middle
ground.
You see we accepted and tolerated each other’s differences,
as deep as they sometimes were, knowing that there was mutual respect and, yes,
even love for the other. We didn’t have
to agree on everything to be friends. In
fact, our differences often made for some of our most enjoyable
discussions. Middle ground.
Along the way we found out there were some things we did
agree on wholeheartedly. Our college
alma mater’s football team was a source of much discussion, enjoyment and
heartache. We both love soccer and both
understand that the US will have a hard time fielding a great international
team until it changes much about its entire structure of developing soccer
players. As lawyers, we both
acknowledged justice was often less glorious than people believe and frequently
a matter of time and chance rather than truth and law. As men married for many years, we both
recognized that figuring out our wives was still sometime mysterious, but we
were nonetheless pleased who our wives were.
We both enjoyed a good cup of coffee in the morning and neither of us
was afraid to eat a hamburger once in a while.
Middle ground.
The middle ground doesn’t mean that I quit being who I am
and you quit being who you are. What it
does mean is that we recognize a common humanity. What it does mean is we recognize that we are
all fallible. What it does mean is we
act graciously towards others, even when we have disagreements.
My sense is that much of our current public upheaval has
less to do with real divisions in our country and more to do with a complete
unwillingness to recognize that differences need not end relationships. For crying out loud, as much as I love my
wife, I don’t want her to be a mirror image of me! That would be exceedingly boring.
Until we determine as a society that we are going to reclaim
that middle ground, then the current divisions and distrust will continue to
run unabated.
There are many who thrive on this division and distrust and
ironically, many of the most vitriolic purveyors of this division and distrust
are those who claim most loudly that it is the other side which is causing it
all. I could name names and you’d nod
your head in agreement. My sense is many
of us (most?) find all this unpalatable and unappetizing. We long for a willingness among our
political, social, and spiritual leaders to reclaim that middle ground.
What this means is that even though I think Bill Maher is
going to hell because of his atheism, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have a cup of
coffee with him and talk about whatever was on his mind. What it doesn’t mean is that I would soften
my views on abortion or gay marriage or belief that Jesus was God in the flesh
to somehow get him to warm up to me. I
wouldn’t demand he soften his views on any of those issues either. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try to persuade
him to change and I wouldn’t take offense at him attempting to persuade me to
change.
As I recently told a friend who has a habit of using
profanity, which I simply don’t do, I don’t take offense as long as he’s not
intending for the profanity to offend me.
I don’t mind telling him I don’t care for profanity, but I’m not letting
that stop me from engaging with him, even on issues over which we might not
agree.
The middle ground doesn’t mean any of us give up our
convictions. The middle ground does mean
we give up our right to be offended that others have convictions different from
ours. The middle ground doesn’t mean we
don’t debate vociferously for what we believe is true. The middle ground does mean that after the
debate we acknowledge the other’s humanity and recognize none of us knows everything
(or are even close). The middle ground
doesn’t mean there aren’t winners and losers. The middle ground does mean we stop acting
like sore winners and sore losers.
Perhaps it’s gone forever?
Probably I’m engaged in a pipe dream.
Still, here’s to hoping those of us who believe in the middle ground
will reach out and claim it again.
